Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Month 9

Here we are in month 9. Had we been successful with our first attempts back when we were on our European vacation last summer, we'd be preparing for a new arrival very soon. Instead, we're still trying. And we won't stop any time soon. :)

Last Friday marked more bloodwork. Still waiting to hear those results. Was doing okay, except now our "plan" is complete (testing is done) and we don't have next steps. Have I mentioned I'm a gal with a plan? I don't do well without one. I'm constantly planning everything. This has been one big lesson in "you can't plan everything." However, I'd feel a whole lot better if we had a medical plan for what to test/try next.

In the mean time, I'm trying to do what I can. I've been freaked out to work out the last few months, afraid that I'm going to mess something up. I've decided that until someone tells me that 's the case, I can't use that as an excuse anymore, and I need to be eating healthier and working out. I started back to that tonight. I'm going to try to work out when I get home as often as I can, and am trying to cut way back on meat and dairy and focus on getting my whole grains, fruit and veggies. I've cut out all caffeine, and am trying not to drink alcohol, except during AF (when I KNOW I'm not PG) and when I feel like I need to b/c we're in front of people. I know that last bit is silly, but I can't take the questions.

There's so much emotion charging through my body each month. It's a roller coaster. My dear, sweet friend texted me the other day about a silly inside joke, and I know she was thinking of me and what we're going through. And as it turns out, my two friends that know that have kids also happen to be the ones who got pregnant the first month they tried. For this friend in particular, it was both times they wanted to get pregnant. And her text made me smile. It's so wonderful to know that someone that cares about you is thinking about you. The other friend said the other day that she wished she knew the right words to say to make me feel better. And the truth is, there are no right words. But instead of getting frustrated with my fertile friends, and being jealous, and resenting their happiness, and wishing that I was them, and telling them that they have NO IDEA what I'm going through, I'm choosing to appreciate their support. And to understand that they may not totally get it, but they love me and want to support me. And I think while they don't have a clue what it's like to be in this situation, they do realize how horrible it would be if their children weren't in their lives. I chose very carefully who I wanted to share this with, and I chose these friends for a reason. I trust them. Though they don't get it, they will try. And no matter what, they'll be supportive.

waiting, wishing, and hoping...

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