so... I'm back.
I have two, beautiful, amazing 18 month old children. And I'm shockingly pregnant again! Certainly a blessing! It's so amazing to have this blog from the journey to our twins and I would love to capture that again for this child. So here's my catch up post:
A few months ago we decided we wanted to start trying to have another child. We knew that with my endometriosis, and the struggles we had last time, that our chances weren't great. Time of the essence for us, and though there are things we would love to have better resolved in our lives, it feels like now or never. And to us, more children is worth a bit of extra stress. So we started trying to get pregnant again. The first month, no extra effort, just doing what we would normally do. Nothing. The second month, guessing at ovulation and trying around that time. Nothing. The third month, I decided to bust out the OPKs, but still didn't quite want to get back to temping just yet.
Pause for a moment. When I had my kids, my OB noted that I had "enlarged ovaries." She mentioned that we should follow up to check them out. At my post op and 6-month post exam, they didn't bring it up, and I honestly didn't think much about it. I was swamped with having tiny twins, going back to work, and trying to get by.
So I had my annual exam scheduled in early September, the earliest they would let me come in. I had my appointment, and the nurse practitioner brought it up, saying that my Dr. had seen cysts. I mentioned that I had thought about it, and would like to just check. She said that there was a good likelihood that they had gone away by now, but we would check anyway. She didn't feel anything abnormal during my exam, so I tried not to worry about it. I also had a calm sense of peace as I waited for my u/s appointment. This was the month we tried with OPKs. Thoughts of maybe holding off on this month crossed my mind, as if something was wrong, I could have surgery. But really, what is the likelihood I would get pregnant anyway? Last time it took over a year, surgery and Clomid to make it happen.
And then I had the u/s. My Dr. has two offices, and I went to one consistently during my last pregnancy. For this appt, I ended up at the other one. And I didn't love the tech. She was nice enough, but even though I wasn't probing, she didn't say much. She wouldn't (and couldn't, I'm sure) answer my questions. I knew that wasn't great. Long story short, a LONG day and a half later, my Dr. called to let me know that I had cysts on both ovaries, but that my L ovary was a total of 8.6 CM, while my R was about 4. She asked about our plans for children, and I shared that we were trying. She said if I got pregnant in the next 3 months, I could have a repeat C-section and she could remove it then. But if not, that they would check it again and if it was growing, it would come out. I asked about cancer, and she said that the type of cyst she thought it was is almost always benign. My immediate reaction was GET.IT.OUT. The risk is that if it was to terse (twist), it is extremely painful, and would require immediate surgery. I told her that we'd tried that month, but that I would discuss with my husband and let her know.
Now, what to pray for? That I'm not pregnant, so I can get it taken care of and not risk emergency surgery? That I'm pregnant so I can have just one more (please, God, just one more!!) and have it removed then? I struggled for a couple of days. And decided that if this wasn't the month, that I would have surgery. And I kept praying for guidance. And then I felt that I should pray to be pregnant. There is always the risk that this could mean the loss of an ovary. My right is already as good as useless, as the tube is kinked shut, and now with this on my left, that could make me done. So yes, please lord, don't abandon me, keep me safe and healthy for my family and let me have just one more child. And then you can take it all away. And i will have peace in my heart about it.
I felt myself ovulate that month. I thought I felt it on the R early, but then I got a positive OPK and felt it on the left. On Sept 17, I was sitting in a meeting at work, and felt a pinching-- two little pinches-- that was just like I felt last time when I had the spotting. (When I swear whoever was the 2nd to implant was implanting.) And I thought about it. And convinced myself that was crazy. Then next day in the evening I felt like I was getting a yeast infection. Wednesday I woke up and called it-- what horrible luck! I figured I was 8-9 DPO, too soon, but before I took medicine, i wanted to be sure, so I tested. Nothing. So I got OTC meds and went on with my day. Then Thursday, I woke up and said, what the hell, let's test again. And I did, when I was up at 4 am. And there was a VERY VERY faint line. NO FREAKING WAY. So I woke up Mr. M, made him look and he confirmed it Holy crap. Thank you, sweet lord for blessing us once again.
I called that day to get my progesterone checked and a blood draw confirmed 10.8, but they said let's do progesterone anyway. So I'm on it, and my tests keep getting darker (yes, I'm crazy). I'm pregnant. in only a few months. With everything working against us. God is good.
I know it's early, but it is truly a miracle that I could get pregnant at all. All of my children are absolute blessings from above, no doubt about it. I have some food aversions and nausea, am often suddenly starving, some soreness in my boobs, and wake up every night to go to the bathroom. I have had some cramping, and am hyper aware of any little pinch and pull (because of the cyst, possible miscarriage, and my endo that increases the risk of an ectopic pregnancy), but so far so good. Please, lord keep this little blessing safe. Help him or her to stick tight, help my cysts to not grow any more and to stay in place until they can be safely removed at delivery. Please keep me healthy, and make the cysts benign. And help lead me in wise decision making to keep myself and this baby healthy, so we can survive and have a complete family of five.
My other prayer is for our kids and my marriage. I certainly want more children, but I am freaking out a bit. This is a little risky. We already have two beautiful children and a wonderful life-- am I risking that and being selfish? I'm trying to remind myself that God gives us gifts for a reason, and he put it in my heart to want to be pregnant this month. And that this is all part of his plan.
With a first date of my LMP on August 24, I am due May 31.
Today I am five weeks with number 3, and my u/s to confirm is at 7w5d. Please help that time pass quickly and let us see wonderful, positive things.