Tuesday, August 31, 2010

9 weeks. ish.

Okay, so I didn't post on Sunday.  But here I am now, and that's what counts, right?

Week 9? Kinda freaking me out a bit. First, the morning sickness has ramped it up. Big time.  Second, my sleep patterns have been better (YEAH!) Still getting up around 3 or 4 for a bathroom run, but can usually fall back asleep.  WOOT. Last night I had a hard time falling asleep though, b/c I felt like I was going to lose what little I ate yesterday.  Oh, and I'm reading this book, which is great and all, since pretty much every other pregnancy book treats twin pregnancy like it's just being a little more pregnant than when you have a singleton, but it's freaking my freak.  I'm supposed to have gained like 10 pounds by now. YIKES.

And to make it all better, work is complicated.  I found out that my boss (who is also a friend that has known about our IF because there was no way to get around the issues and surgery, etc. without letting her know what was going on) is also pregnant. FUN!  But this further complicates the friend-boss relationship.  I think we do a pretty good job at keeping those things separate, but after a conversation today, I kind of think I don't want to talk to her about a lot of this anymore.  It also doesn't help that we go to the same doctor.  I mean some times that's nice but still. Too much personal life-work overlap right now.  Her pregnancy is different than mine.  What worked for her last time and what she wants this time are different than where I'm at.  And my needs and priorities and focus are different, just because of who I am and that my pregnancy is different.  I'm a different person.  And even MORE so because I'm having twins.

Anyway, complicating the work situation is the work travel I had to do last week. I freaking hate traveling for work. Let alone the flight is three hours at least, my co-workers don't know yet, and I feel like crap.  Oh and I have to come up with stupid reasons I'm not drinking. I swear after that trip they know-- one even kind of called me out on it and I blew them off and laughed... but still. I don't think it will be a shock to anyone when I do announce.  OY.

Oh yeah, and Dr. Luke? Clued me in on the fact that I'm more likely to end up on bedrest. BEDREST. YIKES. We can't afford for me to get reduced pay for (the very very worst case scenerio) 24 weeks on.

I'm trying to take this all in stride and look at it this way:  it's good to be informed.  And all of this is information.  And all that I can do is try to do the best I can to: reduce stress, eat when I can to gain weight in a healthy way, and be positive. 

I think all of this comes back, though, to one thing:  I don't want to work.  I'm so over it.  All I have ever wanted in life is to be a SAHM.  And that is SOOO not my reality right now.  Not even "we could swing it if we really cut back;" it's NOT possible.  So there I am.  And when I look at all of this, I get so frustrated, especially because I'm generally frustrated with my job. 


Thursday, August 19, 2010

oh baby, bab(ies)

I've been freaking out for the last two days... my symptoms all seemed to fade, if not stop. Nausea? gone. Boobs hurting? gone. Face? clearing up.  Last night, I barely slept, worrying about everything.  I decided I had to call and at least try to get in early for my appointment.  (It was set for the 31st- just shy of two weeks from now.)  When I called, I got my favorite nurse, who was super-sweet.  I asked if they even had 5 minutes to squeeze me in.  She asked when my appointment was scheduled for, and I told her.  Her response was "No it's not. We're getting you in today!" Love her.

Mr. M came and picked me up from work-- I was suddenly nauseous and freaking out.  We went back, hoping to just see a little heart beat hanging in there... and saw TWO! IT'S TWINS!!!

I think both of us just paused for a minute and couldn't move. Amazing. Incredible. God answered our prayers so much more than we ever expected. Two blessed babies, measuring 7w1d and 7w3d (I'm 7w4d today, so perfect) and with heartbeats at 154 and 160 (again, perfect).  Thrilling. Shocking. Ohmygod we're going to need two of everything!!  Who cares. What a blessing.

We're shocked and thrilled and everything in between.

Little babies, we prayed for you, and asked God to bless us with just one, and what do you know, he thought we were fit to be parents to two.  Everything we went through was so very very worth it.  And you know how I know it was God? She found the corpeus luteum (?) on the right ovary.  That's right. The side where "endo has attached the tube to the wall and it's kinked shut like a garden hose."  The one "we don't expect to work."  The one "you'll need a specialist to take care of."  Yup.  It's a miracle.  We promise to love and care for you, little ones, like the blessings you are.


7w4d pregnant... with TWINS!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

7 weeks

Early this past week, I was starting to wonder if I was still pregnant.  I think that's pretty normal... especially when you have twinges/tiny sporadic cramps and no symptoms.  But by this weekend, it was clear.  My boobs hurt so bad I kept waking up in the middle of the night when I tried to roll on my stomach.  I'm having food cravings.  And if I don't eat every 2-3 hours, I get headaches and feel sick.  Plus I had my first real (not just from brushing my teeth) gagging fits... over nothing. 

As much as these symptoms might not always be described as "fun," I'm so very thankful for them.  Thanks, little blueberry, for letting me know you're growing in there.  Keep it up!

I was planning on working from home the day of our first ultrasound, but a meeting came up that I have to go in for.  Good thing it's in the morning, and I can spend the rest of the afternoon (though still working...) with Mr. M.  16 days (including a 3-day work trip) to go until we (please God!!) hear a heartbeat!  I can't wait to see this little baby!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

6 weeks

First, let's play catch up:
  • Got numbers back on Monday the 26th. From when I had bloodwork done on Friday (11dpo) - hCG 49, Progesterone 50. Definitely pregnant.  Nurse said Progesterone is rockin', and though she said she couldn't guarantee, she felt like that number was a good sign baby isn't etopic. WOOT.
  • Immediately asked if I could get another hCG to make sure my beta was doubling.  She was all over it, so I went in and had blood drawn again.  Especially since we were leaving Tuesday night to go out of the country, I wanted some numbers to make me feel better. Nurse said she wanted to see over 150.
  • Oh yeah, and later that night I started spotting.
  • Tuesday morning, I got the call:  Monday's bloodwork (14 dpo)- hCG 200.  I guess I really am pregnant.
  • Had lots of conversation with the nurse about spotting (brown and very little pink).  No cramping with it.  Still freaking me out
  • Spotting stops.  I go on vacation full of: sleeplessness, not eating at regular times, bouncy/windy car rides on the left side of the road, not drinking enough water, not being able to pee when I need to.  Lots of general stress. Many crying fits with my husband, worried that all of this craziness can't be good for the baby.  
  • Symptoms (or just from all of the above craziness): nausea (better when I eat more often), sore boobs, face breaking out, bloating, having to pee all the time. YAY!  Because I am neurotic, I bring a good 10 pregnancy tests with me so I can keep testing to make sure the line gets darker.  Got to the point where it was super-dark and couldn't get darker.  Decided I'm insane.  But it made me feel better.
  • Through all of this, Mr. M was FABULOUS.  Willing to stay back with me if I needed a nap or felt sick or wanted to come home early, even though I made him go a lot.  And genuine about it too. Not just "I'm offering because I'm supposed to" -- it was legit.  What a wonderful, wonderful man I married.
So here I am now, back in the US, and 6 weeks pregnant. WOW.  Still worried that baby isn't growing or that all of that craziness in the first few weeks of life are going to cause baby harm, but trying to calm down.  It's killing me that I have to wait until 9 weeks for my first ultrasound.  I can't wait to hear that itty bitty heartbeat. :)