Wednesday, April 21, 2010


I'm thinking about taking up religion. Not that I'm not faithful; I have faith, and have always felt that I didn't need to be a member of a church to be a good person or feel close to God. But we've always said that when we have kids, that's something we might like to do. I don't know if it's that I need more hope lately, or need to feel uplifted or inspired, but it's been weighing on my heart. Still not sure what, if anything, I will do about it, or if it really feels right, but I've been thinking about it.

That said, I came across this quote from the Bible today on another blog. And I liked it. It's a good reminder.

For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?

So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6

Here we go, here we go, here we go again!

So, thanks to the lovely clo*mid, I ovulated on CD 16. (FF says 15, but my CD 16 temp is whacked, and I can't get it to agree with me. But OPKs, cramping for 15 min BAD, which happens the day of O every cycle, etc. tell me 16. Whatever. We'll agree to disagree.) Which is awesome! And I hope my LP is rockin (please be over 12! That would be AMAZING!) this cycle too. So YAY!

Here's the bummer though. Thanks to early ovulation, if my LP isn't long enough, and next cycle follows this one's pattern, we may miss out on next month. We have back to back work trips. Which sucks. But in 10 (that would be 11) months TTC, I'm surprised that this would be the first time that would have happened. So. That's the way it goes.

With this being the first month on meds, the hopeful bug is getting to me again. I go back and forth between "it's just another month, we'll see what happens, I'm getting used to this" and "holy crap! this could be it! what if clo*mid does the trick! I ovulated earlier! my LP could be longer! this could make the difference! what if we have TWINS!" Yeah. That last part probably isn't helping. Because that's when I start counting months and when we could tell people again. And we know where that's gotten me the last 9 months... I'm trying to stay calm, but I'm on pins and needles waiting to see how long my LP is. I even bought pregnancy tests yesterday. I haven't tested (like seriously expecting that maybe it would be positive) in a long time. But I rationalized that since I don't know how long my LP will be, if it's past 12 or 13 days, I might test then just to see. To keep my whole "psych-it-out" thing going, I bought the extra large pack of digital OPKs and a 3 HPT kit. You know, the whole "if I buy all this stuff, this will have to be it because I spent all this money" and "if I get to excited it won't happen" things.

Anyway. Biding my time.

To help, I spent last weekend getting stuff done! I painted our hallway, painted some closet doors and trim, planted some peonies, cleaned some stuff in the basement, and put together a clothes storage thing. And probably some other stuff I can't remember. But I was really proud of my industriousness. And I hope to continue that trend. ;)

hoping the next week and a half fly right by....

Saturday, April 10, 2010

catch up

This has been a looooooong week!

Monday and Tuesday, just fine. Lots to do at work, scheduling HSG... surprise! Wednesday. Have to move lots of schedules around, but it works out.

Wednesday morning. Not so worried about procedure (which for me is crazy... I hate all things medical.) A little nervous about results. Have HSG. And some seriously bad cramping to go along with it. Left tube performs like a rockstar. Right tube... not so much. Dr. can't tell if it's blocked or if it was a spasm. I had horrible cramping, so she thinks that's a possibility. Tries and tries to get it open, body freaking out too much.

So now I'm on Clo*mid, and we're hoping that Lefty does her job this month. :) Not as freaked out as I thought I would be about the right tube. I've read that if it blocks off close to the uterus, then it's more likely to be a spasm (which it did, so that's GOOD). Somehow I'm oddly at peace with it all... feeling like now that we're finally DOING something about it, it might help. Guess we'll see. Good news is that so far my side effects are very minor: hot sweats at night and headache if I don't stay hydrated. I'll take it-- I've heard of it doing much worse!

Rest of the week crazy busy at work. Got a lot done this morning-- that felt AWESOME. Productive days are great. Here's to hoping I have a lot more of them from here on out-- it feels so good to have exercised this morning and then been active most of the rest of the day.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

baby, you're amazing.

So, yesterday was CD1. A disappointing day, at best, most months. But I actually held it together yesterday. I don't know if it's the next test coming up giving me hope, or what, but I'm trying to think on the bright side. Well, that and the dropping temps and cramps for the last week tipped me off. :)

I think what really helped is that yesterday was when we decided to celebrate my upcoming birthday. It's the big 2-8. Normally birthdays don't phase me. Heck, half the time, I can't even remember how old I am. But that is my "have babies" age. I know that's silly. For some reason (I'm a planner) in my head, 25 was always my "get married" age (actually got married at 24) and 28 sounded perfect to start a family... and we have 4 more months to make that a reality. Yikes. It's not that I'm stuck on that age, it's just another one of those milestones that make you think "hmmm... how much longer is this going to take!" Kind of like hitting month 10 and thinking "if things had worked on the first try, we could be having a kid any minute." I'm trying not to dwell on these things, and I'm sure everyone else (who hasn't been through this) thinks it's a lot of negative thinking, but you can't help but notice those milestones.

So- with all of that, why did yesterday help? I had an AMAZING romantic dinner with my husband, and then a decadent dessert at a chocolate bar. And it was nice to just go out on the town and have some fun. Just the two of us. And the 8-hr tyl*enol and couple glasses of wine didn't hurt either. My husband is AWESOME. :)

Today is also Easter. And it's making me also think of my trip to Target on Friday, seeing lots of moms pick up Easter basket goodies for their kids. And hoping that next year, I'm doing the same thing.

Saturday, April 3, 2010


CD1. On to Month 10.