Tuesday, August 31, 2010

9 weeks. ish.

Okay, so I didn't post on Sunday.  But here I am now, and that's what counts, right?

Week 9? Kinda freaking me out a bit. First, the morning sickness has ramped it up. Big time.  Second, my sleep patterns have been better (YEAH!) Still getting up around 3 or 4 for a bathroom run, but can usually fall back asleep.  WOOT. Last night I had a hard time falling asleep though, b/c I felt like I was going to lose what little I ate yesterday.  Oh, and I'm reading this book, which is great and all, since pretty much every other pregnancy book treats twin pregnancy like it's just being a little more pregnant than when you have a singleton, but it's freaking my freak.  I'm supposed to have gained like 10 pounds by now. YIKES.

And to make it all better, work is complicated.  I found out that my boss (who is also a friend that has known about our IF because there was no way to get around the issues and surgery, etc. without letting her know what was going on) is also pregnant. FUN!  But this further complicates the friend-boss relationship.  I think we do a pretty good job at keeping those things separate, but after a conversation today, I kind of think I don't want to talk to her about a lot of this anymore.  It also doesn't help that we go to the same doctor.  I mean some times that's nice but still. Too much personal life-work overlap right now.  Her pregnancy is different than mine.  What worked for her last time and what she wants this time are different than where I'm at.  And my needs and priorities and focus are different, just because of who I am and that my pregnancy is different.  I'm a different person.  And even MORE so because I'm having twins.

Anyway, complicating the work situation is the work travel I had to do last week. I freaking hate traveling for work. Let alone the flight is three hours at least, my co-workers don't know yet, and I feel like crap.  Oh and I have to come up with stupid reasons I'm not drinking. I swear after that trip they know-- one even kind of called me out on it and I blew them off and laughed... but still. I don't think it will be a shock to anyone when I do announce.  OY.

Oh yeah, and Dr. Luke? Clued me in on the fact that I'm more likely to end up on bedrest. BEDREST. YIKES. We can't afford for me to get reduced pay for (the very very worst case scenerio) 24 weeks on.

I'm trying to take this all in stride and look at it this way:  it's good to be informed.  And all of this is information.  And all that I can do is try to do the best I can to: reduce stress, eat when I can to gain weight in a healthy way, and be positive. 

I think all of this comes back, though, to one thing:  I don't want to work.  I'm so over it.  All I have ever wanted in life is to be a SAHM.  And that is SOOO not my reality right now.  Not even "we could swing it if we really cut back;" it's NOT possible.  So there I am.  And when I look at all of this, I get so frustrated, especially because I'm generally frustrated with my job. 


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