so today I was thinking about how I felt yesterday. and I didn't like it. I was able to be a part of several conversations with my coworkers today that centered on babies and my coworker's pregnancy and be truly happy for her. and to me that was a great relief. as I was walking to a meeting after one of these conversations, I started thinking about another friend/former coworker who went through IF. yesterday on her blog, she posted a link to a devotional that she felt was a good one for those going through IF, and even though I'm not a big scripture person, I thought I'd check it out. it was about the wait. and god's timing. and that keeping faith during that wait keeps you protected. and that in the end, god has perfect timing. I want to believe that's right. and then on my post-work treadmill jaunt today, I turned on O*prah, who happened to have J*enn*a Ja*mi*son on as a guest. and guess what. it took her 10 years to get pregnant.
I keep hearing more and more stories of those who didn't have the easiest route to getting pregnant. I don't know if it's just that I'm hearing more because I'm more aware of IF now, but I'd like to think they're signs. signs to be patient. signs to keep hoping. signs that it WILL happen for us.
and so today, as I walked to that meeting, I decided to try to focus on this as a time to prepare for a child. a time to be as ready as we can and focus on how loved this child will be when it's time. I can't promise I will be able to stay focused on this, but I'm hoping to try. because our future children are wanted with all of our hearts.
I also feel there is some truth in speaking things into being and that what you focus on most is what you get more of. and I've been working against that for the last, oh, 7 or 8 months. so it's time to try to retrain our focus. and not allow the worry and the stress to take the lead. but try to keep the hope, and our love for one another and our desire to have children, and anticipation for the day that WILL come for us in the forefront.
and my hope is that next cycle I can say, well, this isn't it, but we're one month closer to meeting our child.