keeping track...

in the interest of keeping track:

• last week Mr M was sick sick sick. By last Saturday (and the start of a Z-pack) he was good to go. He even said "why aren't you sicker??" He was totally a trooper and made it through "sex week" even though he felt like crap.
  
• Sunday came and... I got sick. I spent all week feeling like crap.
  
• Friday came and was officially TEST day! Due to scheduling and early office closing times, we had to go in the middle of the day. For the first time EVER, I didn't cry or freak out about getting bloodwork done. I hate needles, but like I told the nurse, I've never wanted bloodwork more in my life. I got in and out at the Dr. and then ran home to get J and take him for his test. Again, in and out, and back to work. It's totally surreal to go back to work after all of that... on Friday afternoon none the less.
• Both of us are feeling neutral about the tests. We should have answers on Monday... EEK!
• Not feeling very optimistic this cycle. Temping has been all kinds of messed up b/c of illness, bad sleeping patterns, etc. Timing was okay. Not expecting much. I would be SHOCKED if this month is it. I think that's where I'm starting to get to overall... Even though we're actively trying, I would be shocked if it happened. Is that bad? I call it coping...
• Not sure if I mentioned this, but friend who recently announced her pregnancy found out she's having TWINS! Still thrilled for her, but it's a little bitter sweet...

Valentine's Weekend

After the promising doctor's appt. on Friday, we were ready for a great weekend.

Friday afternoon and early evening, I took my mom to have a small surgery and hung out with her until my dad came back from a business trip.

Saturday we installed a ceiling fan first thing in the morning. I know that doesn't sound like fun (and it wasn't) but it's something we've been procrastinating on for quite a while. We spent some time relaxing/working after that, and then went out to dinner for V-day at a local micropub. We like to go nontraditional for Valentine's day, so it was a great fit.

Yesterday, we went to see the movie Valentine's Day. We also finally decided to get a Wii (we're only 3 or so years late, right?) When we tried to stop by Best Buy on Friday night, they said everywhere was out of stock-- apparently there was some issue with Nintendo. Funny enough, just a little digging and I was able to swing by Target to pick up our new gaming system. After the movie, we came home and I cooked a lovely dinner of Mr. M's favorite burgers, potato casserole, and chocolate covered strawberries. Mr. M hooked up the Wii, and we bowled a quick game before Big Love.

The crowning glory? Today is a holiday, so I'm off work! :)

I love days off of work

God bless national holidays. Mr. M is working today, which leaves me home alone. By 9:00, I had:

• cleaned the kitchen
• unloaded, loaded and run the dishwasher
• taken down all of our Valentines day decorations (there were quite a few)
• put up our St. Patty's day decorations
• sewed a pair of Mr. M's pants and a shirt that needed repair
• prepared dinner for tonight and put it in the crock pot

I think, given the chance, I'd be a great SAHW!

so... it's been a while

But since I last posted:

• I've told two friends about our trouble TTC. My sweet, sweet friend had her baby with her, and immediately handed her over. So sweet. :)
  
• I've had a break-down at work, and told my boss. (Before you think I'm nuts, she's a good friend too.) And I'm really glad I did. It feels so much better for someone to know.
• We've had our parents over, and successfully managed to NOT tell them. I was scared to death that one of them would ask (*again*) when it would be time for grandchildren and that I would loose my shit.
  

And most excitingly:

• I went to the Doctor today. It's a new OBGYN, recommended by the previously mentioned boss/friend. She is AWESOME! And as soon as we started talking about how TTC has been going, she was ready to start testing. LOVE that. Could not be more thrilled. (I didn't think I'd ever say that about having to get lots of bloodwork, but I am ALL.OVER.IT.) SO, I have two blood draws and Mr. M has a SA scheduled. I'm just so ready to start getting answers!

SO that's where we're at. I feel hopeful for the first time in several months. The best part about the Dr.s appt was that she wanted to look at my temp charts and was impressed at how much we were already doing (which I'm sure is why she was ready to start testing). What a wonderful, wonderful Valentine's Day gift. (Plus the sweet card and mini chocolate box from DH this morning helped. )

YAY!!!

rollin right along

part way through January. days from ovulation. just letting it happen. ordered making babies... interested what it has to say. i kind of feel like this cycle is doomed to be a wash, since my dr's appointment is next month. can't wait for that. thinking i want to start telling some close friends when we start to get a diagnosis. if we get one. but i feel like i need to have some answers or be on the way to them before i start telling people.

i want to say it a million times a day- i think it would explain a lot. it's killing me to keep it a secret. especially when i was sitting with my co-workers today, including one who just came back from maternity leave this week, as they talked about how to cure their babies dry skin with aquaphor. that's when it hit me- i'm the only childless one. that's hard.

so. cycle 7. stopped at walgreens today and went ahead and stocked up on baby-making supplies. it's getting old going twice a month: once for tests, and once for OPKs and tampons.

oh. and add to that: work has been good lately. fulfilling. manageable. like somewhere i could stay for a while longer. a few of us had a discussion today about how we all feel the other shoe is about to drop. let's just say i've been keeping my eyes open for other opportunities. but the thought of changing jobs and/or employers right now is pretty crazy. hopefully things will just happen the way they're supposed to happen...

mmmm beer

The upside of not being pregnant yet = I can still drink really good beer. The first few months we were trying, I would always try to end the month on a good beer. Because, of course, that might be my last beer! And how depressing would it be if my last beer was something like a Bud Light? :) So silly. Now I don't care if my last beer is a PBR-- I'd just like a BFP.

But, that meant a lovely date night with Mr. M, enjoying pints of a local brew and some good dinner. Always a silver lining, right.

In other news, also silver lining and beer related, we might get the opportunity to go on another European vacation this summer. The last two summers, I've been to Europe. How spoiled are we? The first was with my mom and sister, and last summer it was with Mr. M. This time it's with the in-laws. We've talked about it, and to us, it's a no-brainer that we'll still try to get pregnant, because no trip to anywhere is worth missing a month that might be the one. ...But what a lovely consolation prize if it still hasn't happened.

As a side note (not that this whole thing isn't a bunch of side-notes... I'm so random)I've decided this is my favorite part of a cycle. Post-AF, pre what we call "sex week," and before I get my hopes up. The TWW sucks. So here I am, in cycle bliss. :)

oh yeah, internets:

I forgot to tell you. I had my first person-I-know-in-real-life-trying-for-less-time-than-us-gets-pregnant situation. It's a good friend, and while I am THRILLED for them, I was on CD 2 and still in crying/cramping/depressed mode. I managed to hold it together and sincerely express excitement and ask questions, etc. I know I'm not the first to go through it, and this may happen many more times before we get our BFP, but ouch. Trying to be hopeful and spin these thoughts to "how awesome- maybe we'll get to be pregnant together!"

As a side note, it's getting hard to keep from giving myself away. I know way too much about TTC/pregnancy for someone who is supposedly "so not ready for kids yet." I've always been a vault for other peoples' secrets, but mine... I'm horrible. Must get better at my poker face...

Also, I'm starting to think about telling people. I still don't want to until after I go to the doctor and we start to get an idea of if there's an issue/what it is, but... still. It's so hard to not tell anyone. I'm trying to remind myself that the hell of having my mother give me guilt trips over how much she's worrying and being asked if "this month worked" or not. Blah. Let's just get knocked up already!