Sunday, March 27, 2011

Welcome to the world.

Thursday, March 17th we welcomed two tiny precious people into our lives forever.  Our world will never be the same... :)  How overwhelming, wonderful, amazing, exhausting, and totally unbelievable. Sweet babies, I can't believe our dream finally came true.

Our first week and a half has been a roller coaster.  Everyone was healthy and minus a heart rate issue in recovery (for me), all three of us did really well.  Our hospital stay was overwhelming to say the least.  Babies are doing well, but after very successful breastfeeding, I am still mourning the need to introduce a bottle so soon thanks to needing to boost their weight a bit.  We're still trying though.  I think O will be fine, but N I'm not so sure will ever give it up.   But all that matters is that they're now growing great.

We aren't really sleeping, so we're both a mess, and I go to tears at the drop of a hat.  I love these babies so much, and cannot imagine my world without them.  I savor the sweet coos and snuggles, and I just want to hold them close forever.  At the same time, our every three hour feeding schedule (times two, fed separately since we need to focus on making sure each is latching well, eating enough, etc.) is running us (and especially me) ragged.  The days FLY by in an endless cycle of diaper change, latch, nurse, bottle, burp, swaddle, rock, nap, pump and do it all again anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half later.  It's frustrating, and I feel like I'm having an identity crisis.  I know it's going to be a VERY long road if I revert to this whenever things are hard, but I keep thinking about how easy parents of one have it.  At some point we will go back to tandem nursing (which was going well in the hospital), but until that day comes it's this long process.  And then I cry all over again because the days ARE flying by and I only have 10 weeks home, and since it wasn't easy to get pregnant the first time, and who knows if there will be more babies in our future.  And I want to savor and enjoy all of it.  But I wish it away or get frustrated with it because I'm living the life of a milk machine with little to no sleep. 

Things are so crazy, we haven't even really had visitors other than our immediate family.  We planned to have people visit in the hospital, but it was too much.  And now it's still too much.  This last week I would have been rocking in a corner of our basement if it wasn't for my mom who is taking time off to help us. Finding a new normal seems so far away.  We've been out twice (both doctors appointments) and it's been crazy (start getting ready at 5 AM for a 9:45 appointment?!!) but has also felt good.  I'm down 35lbs already and can do a whole lot more than I could when I was on bedrest.  I can't wait to find that normal (and some freaking sleep!), but again, even thinking that, I want to snuggle in with my babies on my chest and freeze time. 

I'm so thankful for my amazing husband who is an equal partner in all of this.  No way could I do this (or anything, ever) without him.  He's up rocking babies and changing diapers with the best of them.  And when the tears start, he's right there to give me a hug and tell me it will all be alright.

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