today I found out that my one co-worker that doesn't have kids is pregnant. I'd been suspecting that for a while, and even suspected that she was having trouble (she hinted that they were TTC to me back in Nov. of 08), and I'm thrilled for her. After the fact, she even told me today that she'd had a miscarriage last fall. :( The thing is, while I'm happy for her, and it's one more story of someone who had trouble getting pregnant finding success which gives me hope, I still am wallowing a bit. The hardest part is that she made her announcement in a meeting, and I had to give an update after her, and so everyone turned to me and said "soooooooo...! Do YOU have an update?!?"
As much as that stings, it tells me they have no clue, which is good because I'd rather it be that way than everyone walking on eggshells around me, but talk about rough. It's hard to play that off (which I later confirmed I did well with my friend who does know) and say "don't hold your breath on that one! You all saw me drink a beer yesterday at happy hour!" without crying.
And I hate that I have mixed emotion. I wish I could JUST be happy for her. No wallowing. Just happy. It's hard because it just reminds me where we're at. And with this month being frustrating (a temp shift? but no + opk? but EWCM is gone already (as usual)?? okay, there's the +. wait, did I o yet? UGH) and the looming cost of our next round of testing, it's too much to handle.
And so I'm trying to stay positive. And trying not to become the depressing infertile. BLAH.
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