starting to freak out.

What I kind of glossed over yesterday is the cautious news I got at the Dr's office. And how much it's kind of freaking me out.

It's early. We know that. We know that it's super early and there is a high risk of miscarriage.

But to add fuel to the fire... I have a higher risk of ectopic pregnancy because of my kinked right tube. The Dr wasn't able to get any dye to pass through it both times I had the HSG, but she mentioned that because of the kink, it was possible that I could ovulate on the right side, a sperm could make it where the dye couldn't, and the egg could get stuck.

Did I mention that when I ovulated this month, I had strong cramps on my right side?

The Dr. said that my bloodwork would give us a better idea of what we were dealing with. But I did it on Friday. Which means no answers until Monday. Yikes.

And I keep feeling twinges. On my right side. Which could be my crazy brain playing tricks. But still.

Crossing our fingers, and praying harder than we've ever prayed that this baby is in my uterus and not somewhere else...

1 day shy of 4 weeks pregnant.

holy crap.

Today was my post-op appointment. This month, we tried, since we didn't want to miss a month, but I wasn't holding out most hope. When I ovulated, I cramped on the right side, and I figured it was a loss. Everything else went right (good EWCM, progesterone levels back at 25, great timing, etc.) Since I had an appointment this morning (11dpo), and we're going on vacation next week, I thought to myself "I'll just test. It'll probably be negative, but on the far off chance it's positive, it would be good to know since I'll be there anyway."

So I sleepily went to the bathroom. And took a test like I always do. And tried to keep my mind busy reading the test insert while I waited. And then I looked at the test.

And where I've seen a stark-white, no chance in hell you're pregnant space before, there was a line. My first thought was "thank you, God for never abandoning us!" The second thought was "holy crap!!" And then I started shaking.

Luckily I had PIAC (sorry, TMI), so I took a digital. Surely so soon it wouldn't say positive yet, right? And on the screen I've cursed so many times for telling me with very little tact "not pregnant," there it was:

PREGNANT

No freakin way. So I took the other FRER. And another line. WOW

I always thought I would tell Mr. M in a fun way, I ran into our bedroom at 5:30 a.m. and the conversation went like this:

"baby?"
"hmmmrmm?"
"babe!" (frantic and ugly crying)
"what?!"
"we need to go to church every sunday for the rest of our lives!"
"why"
"because we're going to have a baby!"
"what?!"

And then I cried. And then he woke up.

WOW.

I'm feeling positive. We both feel like this is unreal. At my appointment, I had a ton of blood drawn so we should have levels back on Monday. How I'm going to make it until then, I'm not sure. My doctor was really positive, but reminded me that it's still early, and that with my kinked tube, there's more of a possibility of a tubal/etopic pregnancy. So we're praying. A lot.

Thinking good thoughts for Monday.

3 weeks pregnant

a better weekend.

This weekend tops last weekend by A TON. First of all, I'm not in bed watching crappy TV. Second, we got to have a great date night last night (complete with a fried mars bar. Which sounds nasty, but was AMAZEBALLS.) Third, I got to see girlfriends today! Girlfriends I haven't seen in a couple of months! So much fun to catch up. And crazy to tell them all of the nutty things we've had going on for the last couple of months.

Unfortunately, one girlfriend told us about her brother in law and his wife who it seems are having TTTC too. It's so hard to hear about others going through the same things because I wish so hard that no one else had to go through this. It sounds like she had a LAP too, and that they have both male and female IF. That has to be rough. Thinking good thoughts for them too, though I've only met them once... let's hope we're both over this hurdle soon.

On a more fun note, we're not all that far from vacation. And I can't wait!!

catching up

I haven't felt like blogging for the past month and a half... so I haven't. But a lot has happened since then.

• still not pregnant
• had my laperoscopy, hysteroscopy, and chromotubation (? dye test) last week
• still recovering (thank you stitches ;P)
• I have endo
• thanks to that bitch, one of my tubes is kinked and couldn't be fixed
• that means I'm down to one tube
• sonofabitch.
• told my parents. couldn't have surgery without telling them. they've been super-supportive, but they didn't have any trouble (like AT ALL) getting pregnant, so I'm currently stomaching all of the "just relax" and "give it time" I can take

That's the highlights.
Ugh. Month 13, Clomid.
C'mon good ovary and tube!! let's make some twins!!